by Ruth Reitmeier, City Church Elder
In June of 2018 people around the world were transfixed by the story of twelve boys and their soccer coach, who had been trapped in an underwater cave in Thailand. It took eighteen days for a rescue team of international experts to draw them out from what would have become their watery grave. The whole world knew that a plan was being devised to send in a team of divers, but for nine long days, the boys and their coach crouched in the dark, uncertain of their fate, completely unaware of the intricate plans being laid for their rescue.
Those desperate days must have felt like an eternity, with no signs of daylight in the cave to mark the passing of time. There was no way for the trapped boys to know help was on the way and until the headlamp of the first diver illuminated their faces, they must have felt their hopes dwindling along with the supply of oxygen in the cave.
In my early forties, I found myself in a dark and difficult place, waiting for God to speak and give me direction for my life. I had experienced professional burn out and was desperate for something new and different. I was crying out for answers and trying to figure out how to get back into the daylight. Like the psalmist in Psalm 130, I had to still myself and wait for God and his timing. This season of waiting and ultimately hoping on God was much longer than I expected and when people asked me what I was doing, I told them it felt like I was taking a “gap year.” That gap year was so formative and redemptive in many ways. Learning to slow down and trust God was hard for this productive and goal-driven achiever. Looking to God and not trusting my own instincts and wisdom was a test. Loving and abiding in God, instead of striving and serving God, was a big part of the syllabus for me during this year-long program.
Why does God seem silent and distant when we are hurting and in need? What is he doing in our souls when he puts us in time out without a timer? According to Psalm 130, he is busy working out his redemptive plan and preparing us to fit into that plan. “He is training our souls to wait like watchmen waiting for the morning. (v.6)” He will pull us away from our comforts and addictions, he will strip away our old identity and give us a new name, he will renew us and reshape us into people fit to serve his purposes. He accomplished it in Moses when he was sent into the wilderness. He accomplished it in Joseph when he was imprisoned and forgotten. He accomplished it in Esther when she was summoned to the king’s palace as a Jewish orphan. All of these figures suffered loss before they could be used as part of God’s redemptive plan. All of them must have doubted God’s love and care for them during times of loss and loneliness.
Halfway into my gap year, I had a meeting with a CEO to discuss a job I desperately wanted. It was exactly what I had been looking for and being passed over was a hard pill to swallow. Six months later, I was invited to interview for a newly-created position at Rice University, which made much more sense and was better aligned with my strengths and values. For the past five years, I have had the privilege of coaching, training and developing leaders while working with the best colleagues I could have ever hoped for. Looking back, I can see how God used that gap year to prepare me and equip me while he was creating the conditions for the job at Rice to come into being. Like the boys in the cave, I couldn’t see or understand the complexity of all God was engineering to redeem me and set me on a new path—a professional path, in my case. I had to trust in his unfailing love even when it felt more like an intellectual exercise than a lived experience. I learned to be quiet in the dark places and tame my impulsiveness. I began to understand the truth of Dallas Willard’s words: Who you become in life is more important than what you do.
“O Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.” Psalm 130:7